the adventures of blake & the tubby tumble

i am not walking down hill, my fat ass is rolling. physically - the only thing that is being brought to the table is carbs. i... am a carboholic. gone are the days of my sexy abs and loosely tight ass, and HELLO thunder thighs. i don't know when it all started, maybe after my last diet? the absolute best diet i've ever been on. worked out every day. ate perfect. in the best shape of my life. smaller than i had been in high school - but then, i stopped. why? why do i stop anything? i start on this, large momentum, and then BAM: start snowballing my ass down a hill until i'm as big as the stay puff marshmallow man. and as much as i love mariah carey - her weight fluctuation is not something i want embodied in myself.this is the heaviest i've ever been. i don't like it at all. so i'm cutting back portions. i try to go days without eating but obviously something else just takes over me and i start slipping down the floor towards the fridge or local zaxby's for something sinister. OH i've tried buying my way to it. but then i end up having old healthy food that has sat in my fridgerator for weeks because i get so sick of having to fix lunch EVERY stinking day.

who does that? not i.

but i probably need to. it's easy to gain weight. obviously. everyone that i've graduated with seems to have taken the tubby tumble. but i must not! i plan on taking ryan seacrest's job in the near future - that would require me to have his tiny body - i already have the height down.but anyways - if any of you see me inching my way towards a carbohydrate - tell me, NO! "stop the violence!" i don't care if you have to subdue me with force. DO IT! and, in the future, you will be glad that i am just another wonderfully skinny addition to your group.

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