Mobility

Once upon a time it took
A month or two to call.
On horseback, letters you would send
If you would send at all.
Along then came the telephone
And that eased my frustration.
Except when you were not at home,
Or in a foreign nation.
So why oh why Is it so hard
for me to reach you now?
There's no excuse, no wires used
Our phones are mobile now.

This refers to the annoyance that is: people who do not call you back. We have cell phones people, I know you are busy, we're all busy, but it's not like it takes a lot of brain power to use your cell phone to communicate, hell, the average ten year old girl is highly capable of texting at 345 words per minute on her cell phone - and we all know that dumber-than-possible idiot that rides around town somehow surviving his fits of road-replying.

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Ultra God

I have recently discovered one of my new “top rated” websites. It lingers up there with facebook, urban dictionary, wikipedia, etc. It is... drum roll, please... Uncyclopedia! This being a parody of wikipedia, obviously. And let me tell you, Uncyclopedia has introduced me to many a concept I was not previously aware of.

Such as Ultra God.

What?!? Are you telling me you've never heard of Ultra God?

Well, then. Let me introduce you...

-Ultra God has never, at any point in his life, eaten a pickle.
-Ultra God hates you all. Yes, even you!
-Ultra God is not, nor has he ever been, a ten year old girl. But he could be if he wanted to.
-Ultra God is not afraid of Michael Jackson, but I don't think anyone would blame him if he was.
-Ultra God has a pet named Ultra Dog.
-Ultra God eats cheese whiz.
-Ultra God is part of an organization called the Ultra Mob.
-Ultra God hates the color yellow. I am inclined to agree.
-Ultra God's son Ultra Jesus (but he claims no relation).
-Ultra God can only be defeated by Chuck Norris, or a pirate ninja.

And this is just a sneak peak. Wanna know more?? Take a look at:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ultra_God


live it, love it.
;) Fun Sized

Side note: In my opinion, I believe they forgot to put that Ultra God also created Taco Bell. Maybe it was just to obvious...?

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Sweet Jesus.

Im going to warn you, this is going to be a little gross.

Have you ever had one of those misfortunate incidents where you are out in the horrid public and your poor little tummy rumbles to let you know that you need to take the Browns to the Super Bowl? Your upset, and you certainly dont want to use a public bathroom for your private event, but you have to. Its one of those now or in your pants kind of events. One of those kind of events that makes you walk all bow-legged all the way to the bathroom while people watch assuming that you only walk that way because you engage in some sort of hideous sexual tendencies. You get to the bathroom "thank you jesus" you say in your head as you attempt the fastes lining of the toilet seat you can. You take the toilet tissue and surround the germ infested thrown with its sweet, thin protection and plop your little tushie down. You go to let the beast out and instead of the over whelming delite of being free from this tearony a huge mega FART erupts from within you and is only made ten times louder by the toilet seat itself. "Oh how you betray me." you think to yourself, humiliated because it just happens to be lunch time and everybody and their mother is in the bathroom. You quickly realize through the embarrisment and the snickering and the sound of the baby crying that this isnt going to be a swift bomb drop. This is going to be a horrid event. A back up at the chocolate factory and the chocolate river deems destruction. You brace yourself as the loud thunder blows. You try to quiet the thunder all that you cant, but this only seems to disturb the toilet more and in his aweful asshole-ness it only makes it louder. After the tummy has settled, you sit there for a moment. Just to make sure that the hurt in your stomach isnt one of more chocolate wealth. You realize soon that your stomach hurts due to the overwelming stench of the road kill you just gave birth to. You wipe, feeling bad for all the little trees it took to make the huge ball of toilet paper you had to use. You flush the toilet looking down at that aweful jerk and giving it a good f*ck you. You walk quietly out of the stall to the sinks. They are all looking at you. They know that you are the one who just contaminated their lungs and blew their minds. The only thing you can do now comrad is walk out of the restroom with what remains of your dignity.

\m/><\m/-Knuckles



P.S. So this reminded me of an event that happened to me a few days ago. I was called to jury duty and out of 50 people I was one of six jurors picked. My fellow jurors were well, three women over the age of 60 and two men over the age of 40, and me. Makes sense, I don't know. But during the lunch break my friend asks me if I want to go with her to a pizza place while I am waiting for this awful event to continue. I go and quickly regret it as I sit in the jurors box during the case. While the lawyers are up doing their blady-blah-blah, one snuck out of me. One of those silent an deadly mother-f*ckers. It couldn't me helped, there was nothing that I could do. Oh and it stank up the whole court room. They just kept coming all during the case. This made me entirely grateful for the jurors that they picked. I would never be suspected of this awful deed amongst three old ladies and two middle aged men. Not guilty.

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Video Game Reveiws-Dragon Age: Orgins

Dragon Age: Orgins, a game recently released within the past few days has completely taken my soul. Not many games can do this to a person who has a serious case of A.D.D. and certainly not many RPGs can do this to me. In dragon age you can start out as three completely customizable characters. A Dwarf, A Human, or An Elf. You can be male of female, but this does not change the story line for you at all. There are 3 different openings for the story based on which creature you pick. I decided that I was going to do all three at the same time. Im currenly playing on the PS3 so all I did was create two more accounts on my dashboard. Dont try to do it any other way, you WILL erase your previous game and be a sad cow. You are a Grey Warden, one of the very LAST of a super cool legendary order of bad a$$ guardians. You have been chosen not only to solve the problem of an ancient foe and reclaim several cities lost in their own civil war.

FIGHT SEQUENCE:
Although the story line is twisted into several little plots and make the entire game completely interesting, the fight sequence is something to be let down on in my opinion. When I first fought my now level 17 Human Warrior I was somewhat disappointed with the fighting. She would say random corny lines over and over and over again. This actually made me hit the ::pause:: button and go into settings to see if I could shut my poor darlings mouth. Also, if you are playing Dragon Age please note that the fighting is EXACTLY like World of Warcraft. In my terms really doesnt interest me but Im sure this game has already stolen thousands of Die hard WOW players.

Dragon Age Orgins gets 4 KNUCKLE BABIES out of 5.

Good job Edge of Reality, BioWare, and EA!

\m/><\m/-Knuckles.

P.S. This game is rated M for blood, intense violence, language, partial nudity and sexual content.

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I know this is a little old

...but everyone should check out Leighton Meester's new song "Somebody to Love"

You should also be excited for the video. Here's the song and some stills from the video.

Also, check out her myspace.

Get excited.

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"Not Now, Honey. Mommy's on Facebook..."

When you hit the wonderful college years, you expect freedom. You expect independence from your parents. You expect parties and good times, and hey maybe some classes here or there. And I say this again [as it is most important to the sanity of us all], you expect INDEPENDENCE. You don't, however, expect your past-middle-aged mother to send you a friend request on facebook. But, alas, such is my life, along with many a person I know. Now, this atrocity could be further analyzed slash forgiven if your mother is any of the following:

-under the age of forty.
-under the age of 35 in spirit (if over my first requirement).
-someone in desperate need of networking.
-a celebrity. Or....
-at all technologically literate.

However, my mom is not. These requirements, in my mind, seem perfectly reasonable, if not NECESSARY. I mean what do you even do in this situation, with a mother trying to add you?? I'll tell you what I'm doing. DENYING said friend request, and blocking my mom. What good will adding her POSSIBLY do? Would you enjoy daily “I love you” wall posts from her? Would you like pesky comments on that slightly revealing, yet perfectly skankless skirt you wore in your profile pics? Do you enjoy your mother knowing every little thing you do and reading into every little thing you say? I think not. So, I hereby impose an age limit to facebook. This may seem a little drastic, but trust me, the world would be a lot easier without your mom leaving posts on your wall saying “I love you snookums. Oh, and here's a link to one of your baby pictures when you were naked in the bathtub.”

Side note: Besides this, how about an IQ limit if you want to have babies? Just thought I'd throw that one out there.
;) Fun Sized

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Movies That Dont Blow -Tank Girl

TANK GIRL
Known as a bada$$ movie that refuses to give back the hour and fourty three minutes of your life that you spent watching it. In this 1995 smash hit, its 2033. As everyone predicted, the world is pretty much a giant crap hole! Nothing, no t.v., no computers, not even any water. A mega-douchbag villain, Kesslee (Played by Malcolm McDowell), is the leader of Water & Power, and holds the world by our danger zones. He ONLY controls all the water and power in the entire WORLD! Unfortunately for him, there are two completely awesome things that stand in his way.
1.) The Rippers, half men, half kangaroo. Yes they went there. They are an army whose sole purpose is to take down W&P.
2.) A girl, and a tank. Tank Girl (Played by Lori Petty)
I give this four out of five nuckle babies!
\m/><\m/-Knuckles. P.S. The girl that playes as tank girl has an uncanny strange resembalence to Gwen Stefani.

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Rihanna's Second Single!

"Wait Your Turn", Rihanna's second single from her upcoming album, Rated R is lackluster compared to her last attempt ("Russian Roulette") and is boring to say the least. I actually had a problem listening to it the whole way though due to the fact that it seems so repetitive but says so little thoughout its various chants and mantras. What do you think?

PS. You'd think she would have amazing emotional material to draw from after her issue with Chris "I'm a lady hitter" Brown. I'm actually disappointed. I guess nothing good came out of that except for the demise of his annoying career. (I honestly never liked him, his voice especially.)

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"Um, I'd like a Diet Coke with that."

Something I have noticed, and I have been noticing for a while now, is people who diet. Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me at all. Why go through the drive thru of Mc Donald’s and as for a number 2 with extra bacon? And why tell the cashier you want a Diet Coke with that? Or why go to a buffet and I don’t know, eat like ten plates of food and wonder why your Diet Coke isn’t being refilled? What’s the point people? I would understand if you had a salad or some sort of low calorie meal in front of you, but if you have the greasiest "Can a$$ be any bigger?" meal in front of you, there is no point! I’m sorry to tell you this baby doll, but judging by the overlapping belly and the double chin, you are losing the war! Drink water! Be healthy! And yeah, I know that some people are diabetics blah! Blah! Blah! I’m just saying this about people who aren’t. Don’t get your pretty knickers in a wad. If you're going to eat something greasy and unhealthy, just go all out! Get that freaking Dr. Pepper! Ask the waitress to put two scoops of sugar in that syrupy mix! Your thighs deserve it!
\m/ >< \m/ - Knuckles.

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Fresh Prince of the 90's

Look closely and realize that this picture epitomizes the nineties, while also realizing how grateful you should be that it is now 2009. From the Jurrasic aged video game system, to Will Smith and his pastel Saved-By-The-Bell-esque clothes, this picture is a trip down memory lane you'll need your TomTom to find a way out of, stat.

PS. I do mis 90's Mariah though. Dear Jesus, please return her voice to me, that hooker just can't sing like she used to. Also, please kill Nick Cannon on the trainwreck it looks like he came out of. Amen.

PSS. I think I still wear hats like this. Why hasn't anyone attempted an intervention with me?

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"There Ain't No Rest For The Wicked"

"Welcome To Pandora"

This delightful first-person-shooter, starts you off in a raggedy old bus with the familiar bad-a$$ song "There ain't no rest for the wicked". The beginning intro itself pumps you for this magnificent game. Although Cell-Shaded games aren't a favorite amongst many gamers, I myself love it. The art work and make of the entire game is completely amazing.
The whole story of the game is that you can pick one of four amazingly made characters:
1.) Roland "The Soldier" who specializes in Rifles and Shotguns.
2.) Mordecai "The Hunter." who is a master at long ranged combat, using sniper rifles and Revolvers and "Blood Wing" a trained bird.
3.) Lilith "The Siren" one of deceit and trickery she has the ability to shock and uses "corrosive guns."
4.) Brick "As himself" A fully loaded mega Man. If Jason Stathom and Hulk Hogan had a baby. He prefers explosive weapons and well...his fists!
After picking one of four characters you are dropped off in the middle of nowhere to complete different quests to find the location of "The Vault." well you and everyone else under the sun. You encounter strange creatures, such as half bred hyenas, crazy midgets and giant butterflies and use your ever increasing skills to match. I must warn you that multi-player naturally is a little harder than single. And NO you did not hear me wrong I said multi player! You can play with one other person on a split screen basis. This game never ceases to surprise me, though some things can be repetitive. I give this game 5 out of 5. Good job Brady Games, 2K Games, and Gear Box Software!

P.S. If you look closely "T.K." is the spitting image of Quintin Terrintino!

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Cat Scratch Fever "Raaaawrr"

With all due respect to our feline friends: sometimes enough is enough, and instead of petting that pussy, you need to put it down. Thank you.

PS. The worst part is, some of these cats remind me of my pet Chihuahua Chi-Chi.

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