Friday, November 27, 2009

"I'm Stealin' It"

Planet Earth: It is a grimy place, full of decay and desolation. People are hungry here, they love to eat, and sometimes they go to public venues to try to curb their appetites with something delicious: Enter McDonald's. I had just cashed my check in Walmart, and the McDonald's was in spoken Walmart, therefore it seemed completely rational that my two companions (Matthew, Mark) and I venture into that McDonald's to treat ourselves (I deserved a Big Mac Combo Meal, because on that particular night I thought about attempting to exercise). This is the story of that adventure, this is the story of that paycheck's demise. This is the story. It is long, but it is true...

I walk in the McDonald's and order my food. Thumb through my (in my opinion) loads of cash to find something small enough to give the cashier (Ginger) without breaking anything ridiculous (this always leads me to buying... well I'd buy it anyways). I get my food. Matthew and Mark were right after me, and we sat down and began discussing one of the indolents we have the pleasure of working with. Mid-conversation, I noticed Ginger walking back into McDonald's giving me a terrible look (I could hardly tell however, she had a lazy eye)."She said she didn't understand why good people die all the time and you're still alive", Matthew said referring to the indolent. I rolled my eyes as Matthew continued to inform me that "She [indolent] said she wanted to make a Voodoo doll of you and poke it with needles". "Ridiculous", I thought to myself as I noticed something was terribly wrong with my buttocks (apart from the usual).


No wallet. Frantic, I started to look everywhere that I could possibly have left it. In the bags, in the bags in the trash. In the bags in the trash again. On the table. In my pockets. To the windows, to the wall, on the floor I'm sure I crawled, searching for just some morsel of evidence that my wallet was alright. I asked Ginger if she saw my wallet, and was met with a brisk "no" from her and her ragamuffin co-workers, and was then told to come back in the morning and ask management. "Someone probably just swiped it off the counter", Ginger announced with an ironic amount of certainty. "We'll whatever the case, I'm sure she'll be able to find something since there are camera's right there and there", I said proud of myself for noticing the two camera's facing the counter, and Ginger.

I then go to the Walmart staff, still frantic and searching for answers. They were initially more help to me than the McDonald's staff, and helped me search through the trashcans yet another time to only find trash and ethnic weave. I drive home angry. I drive home upset. First of all, I'm an idiot for leaving the wallet on the counter. This is an obvious understatement that I well understand, but I am still upset. I kept thinking to myself, "What is wrong with the world?" or something of that nature the whole journey home.

I called Matthew, upset - wondering what his brother and he thought about the situation. I told him my newly concocted suspicions of Ginger taking my money and the look she gave me, but they were just suspicions. That night I tossed and turned. I could barely get to sleep because the weight of those bills and missed fast-food lunch and dinner opportunities were weighing heavy on my head and stomach (this was when I was a recovering fatty fatskin). As soon as the aforementioned manager walked through those mustard and ketchup stained doors, I would be there to explain my grievances, and demand retribution.

I gave her a chance. I had ideas that Ginger took my money (you know this). I walked towards the lost and found at Walmart hoping that she would have some sense to turn it in with all of the money intact. "I won't even turn her in" I thought to myself as I hopefully walked toward my destination. I asked. The attendant checked. "I'm sorry sir, we didn't receive any wallets today, leave your number behind and we'll call you if we receive anything within the next week."

The time had now come. I turned towards the Golden Arches, prepared to see the culprit who pilfered my wallet and potential livelihood for the next two weeks. I asked to speak to a manager. Told her of my situation, and she took me back in the back to witness Ginger stealing my wallet off of the counter right as Mark turned around. I witnessed Ginger putting the wallet under the counter. Witnessed her taking the wallet to her car. Witnessed her getting fired. We called the police and I filed a report and turned in the evidence. We couldn't get a hold of her so I was told to wait and I would receive a call within the next 24-48 hours.

No call came. Days later. No call came. I decided to call them. I gave them my case number time and time again to be told that the case was not in the system. Little over a week later, I was informed that the case was rejected, the accused said she did not take the wallet and there was no money in it anyways. I tried to get one of my parent's friends involved (a detective in that department). I got a call, and was asked for the case number. Still no calls since then. Months have now passed.

First of all. The amount of money in the wallet was 450 dollars. For me, that is a lot of money. Second, of course she said she didn't take the money, in case the amazing police force of this city didn't notice, they weren't asking Oprah Winfrey about her favorite things, they were asking a guilty and dishonest thief if she took something that wasn't hers. Obviously they don't have investigators like Sherlock Holmes or Joey Greco from Cheaters on their staff - I'm pretty sure they would've completely rearranged the situation in everyone's favor, especially the victim's. Fourth, police did not do their job. They can pull me over, suspend my license for six months, and charge me hundreds of dollars for going too fast in an automobile quicker than you can say Grey-Goose-on-the-rocks-going-eighty-eight-in-a-fifty-five. When it comes to actually protecting and serving however, they are protecting their wallets and serving my tax money to an inefficient, greed-ran, crime-friendly business that should be ashamed to call themselves law enforcement.

PS. I still want my money.
PSS. I wanted to sue McDonald's but didn't want to put any hindrances in our future together, as I have a very serious idea to someday be a spokesperson for them, much like Justin Timberlake or Ronald McDonald.
PSSS. "F" the Popo, and "F" that Hoho"

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